Fanfic: Canvas - Prologue

Okay... I promised Lui-imotou (a Nino-ichibaner) that I would make a fanfiction for her.. And.. This is the first chapter.. It may seem a bit vague but hopefully, I can arrange the story in such a manner that I would slowly reveal what happened.. My first Arashi Jun-based fic SNAPSHOT is still on-going and I will make time to update it.. Please do read the fanfic if you have time ^-^ Pardon the grammatical errors.. Will get back on it as soon as I reread them.. Domo~

I buried my head deeper into the sheets as I heard the voice of my friend. My head throbbed... A lot... For the whole 19 years of my life, this is the first time I’ve drunk hard liquor... Come to think of it... This is the first time I drank anything alcoholic... It tasted like crap but I desperately want to forget... My head hurts... But right now, I wish the pain would be so enormous that it would overcome the pain in my heart...

“Lui-chan? Are you...” She stopped in mid-sentence. “Do you need anything?” She called out once more.

I smiled a bit at this. Leave it to Leah-ne to ask the right questions... She positively knew I wasn’t alright... I opened my mouth to answer... To say that I wanted some time alone but no sound came... My throat is so dry... I know Leah-ne is worried but I really don’t want to talk to anyone right now... But I know that I should reply to her... The least I can do is to place her mind at ease... Even for a bit... I tried to answer back once more and a weak but audible croak became my reply.

“Um… I’ll leave this glass of water here, ok? It’ll help with your throat...” I heard something was settled on the floor. “And drink this medicine… It will help lessen your headache…” She added but I know that I won’t take the medicine… I need my headache more than anything now… “Call me up when you need anything, ok?” With that, I heard my apartment door close and silence followed…

I scrambled up on my bed and tried my best to avoid looking at the walls as I opened the door. A tall glass of water was there… I gulped the water up but left the medicine on the tray. As I finished my glass, I took some time and looked at the empty glass… Another one of those pesky memories entered my consciousness…

His high-pitched voice immediately clouded my mind. “Do you need a glass of water?”

That was his question one summer night when I was with Arashi… He was wearing a white tank top and his ever beloved Bermuda shorts… It was hot and I was totally sweating… My face was flushed from the heat and from the feeling of giddiness…

“We don’t have extra glasses so… Just take a drink from my bottle… Demo… Make sure no one sees you, ok? That will be trouble...” He said in a low voice which only I can hear… He then gave a smile and before running off to continue his rehearsal for their summer concert.

“YAMETE YO!” I ordered myself as I felt warm tears roll down my cheeks. Why do they keep coming back? I want to forget… I want to move on but I simply can’t… The more I try to forget, the more I end up remembering our moments together… I thought everything was alright but out of the blue, he simply want me to disappear from his sight…

Knowing that I can’t stand up any longer, I closed the door and rest my back on it… I let my eyes wander over the walls of my room… It was full of his images… Posters, tarpaulins, magazine pages, sketches, our photos together, etc… It was full of his memories… I tried once to remove them… Rip them up… But I can’t find the courage to do so… I was able to rip up one concert poster demo after five minutes I ended up placing the ripped parts together and placed them back on the wall…

I walked over to the wall and touched one of the photos. The photo was shot by him and contained both our images. He had one arm over my shoulder as he gave his silly smile. His eyes were warm and playful… Totally opposite of the ones I saw when he called me up…

Cold and uncaring…

As I remembered that dreaded moment, I felt my lips tremble… Not again… And true enough, fresh set of tears fell from my eyes as I slid down; my hand dragging the picture with me as I felt the floor with my knees. I raised my hands to my trembling lips, closing my eyes as the tears won’t stop to flow.

I tried to once more think of the reason on why this is happening to me… Is this some sort of punishment for greed? Punishment that I wanted to be more than a common fan… Wanted to become more than a friend? Is it a sin to make the first move to be noticed by someone who I thought can't be reached?

Is it a crime to dream and to do something to fulfill that dream? All I wanted is to be Nino’s ‘special someone’… It doesn't have to be in a girlfriend-boyfriend scenario... I just wanted to let him know that I'm not like other fans... That I really do care... 

I thought he understood since we got along really well.. Heck, I even had a chance to fool around with him... He showed me all his magic tricks and even played video games with me... He opened up his problems with me and was there when I needed him the most... I thought I was able to break down that 'fan-idol' barrier... I thought he considered me as simply another person who wanted to know him more... I was so happy that he considered me as a friend... Friend... Or so I thought... Now, I really don’t know… All doesn’t make sense…

I curled up into a ball as I lay on the floor, tears still streaked my cheeks as the same unanswered question ran inside my mind… “Doushite, Nino-kun? Doushite?”

How would I take it if someone whom you totally admire suddenly asked you to distance from them? Considers you suddenly a pest and requested you to disappear from their sight?

Come to think of it… How did this madness started anyway? I remember now… I think it started with a letter… Yeah a letter… And all became dark and blurred as I closed my eyes and let sleep overcame me…